This is My Life

Oh life...would you believe that I still can't believe this is my life yet? It just hasn't hit me. Well, I guess it's not too outrageous a thought seeing as I've not yet been here 2 months, but today it just hit me that I'm still in vacation mode and am still waiting around wondering when that crisis moment of "Oh my god this is my life!! NOW WHAT!?!?!" to hit me and it hasn't yet. I keep waiting for the day to come where I will start to feel a little regret for having left my easy life in Canada and start to hate everything about living life in this difficult yet beautiful and charming country. Usually one of those little break down moments would have already happened by now. I am still waiting for the day I will completely break down and cry my eyes out wishing I had just a bit more time left back in Canada with my beloved friends and family and doggie. I know it's only the two month mark and I'm bound to have some of those "Omg what am I doing here!?!" moments eventually, but so far, nothing. And I'm hoping it will stay that way for a while. In all my previous occasions spent living here, there was always the thought of returning to Canada holding me together during the rough times. This time however, I don't get to use Canada as a bubble of comfort.

This time seems different altogether though and this time I have reasons for being extremely happy and content here, besides E of course. This time I have a purpose. I am doing something that I love, with a clear goal in mind of where I want to go. I am surrounded by things that are mind. I have my own apartment, my own space, my own friends, my own job, my own neighborhood, my own sushi corner, my own starbucks, my own pastellaria, and my own surroundings. I've never felt like this in Chile before where I've created this cozy little nest amidst this big, busy, bursting city which I so lovingly call my own. In the past I've been stuck living with the in-laws, teaching English, and because of that, had little contact with anyone besides my students. Teaching English is great, but you can get so isolated doing it...travelling the city by yourself, never meeting the other teachers, and having way too much free time at odd hours of the day when everyone else is busy. Add to that never having any privacy or personal space and it can cause anyone to buckle.

Up until this moment, I am happy. During every other time I've lived in Chile, I've had one or two of those break down moments where I would bawl and complain about the hard Chilean life and about missing my family and friends and poor E would have to come comfort me and hug and kiss me until I calmed down. Lucky enough for us, those moments were always rare and lasted only a few minutes. As soon as E came to my side to rescue me in my moments of desperation, I forgot all my whining and complaining and remembered the reason that made everything worthwhile...having the man of my dreams right by my side. And I would eventually snap out of it. Though I'm sure many readers feel I am a little naive and occasionally think I am living in lah-lah land, I do know that life is not perfect...especially in Chile. I know I will have many of these little emotional crises again in the future. I know I will get pissed off at Chile and the people here and want to get on the next plane back to Canada. But those moments are always short lived and generally, I am happy living here. This time it seems I'm off to a good start and won't be banging my fists against the wall wishing I was back in Canada anytime soon.

Ah, what a perfect time to write a post. Home and cozy snuggled up in my bed with the estufa on right beside me. I've been sick the last couple days and haven't gone to work. I actually tried going in to work today but was confronted by worried colleagues who told me to go home. Shut down! So here I am, back in bed. However, I do have to get some work done because things are getting really busy at my job with a bunch of deadlines fast approaching.

To close off this post, I will leave you with big news! Well, big news for me! My job has decieded to start paying me!!! Ha ha, I just realized how funny that sounds for a person who hasn't read previous posts and doesn't know what's going on. As my devout readers know, I'm in the midst of an unpaid internship, and today just before I gave up work to come home and sit in bed to get rid of this sickness or whatever it is that I have, my wonderful amazing boss came to tell me that they want to start paying me! My boss was so adorable about it and seemed to be just as excited as I was. She said she's been wanting to tell me about this forever now but she had to wait for new management to take over our section and pass it by them but it seems everything worked out and I will no longer be working for free! Woo hoo!!! Well, they will only be giving me an honorarium monthly amount which isn't much, but it's something! And it will definitely help with living and wedding planning expenses! Now I can finally feel like I'm contributing! Poor E has been supporting us for way too long!

Alright, enough blogging, now back to work. Tonight E and I are going to meet a potential priest to perform our wedding ceremony! We've had a bit of a fiasco trying to find a priest but I'll save that for my next blog so stay tuned!